BLOODLUST

Our 2nd Bloodlust event entitled Devil's Night went off without a hitch!  Well except one thing..  FLASHFLOODS!  Despite the flashflood warnings all of the devilish folks came out and drank till they couldn't drink anymore and watched as Drew Blood and the Pickled Punks skewered themselves and walked up and down blades..  They took in the sites that Rockin Bones Clothing put on stage for us..  Which was amazingly hot ladies showing off their new clothing designs for our eyes only.  They also watched Gaige (the hostess for the night) eat fire and saw the lovely ladies wrestle in our own concoction of blood.  We even had a few folks taste the blood..  AFTER the wrestling.  How'd it taste?

This of course was all set to the soundtrack of the night being played by DJ Obscuri, who braved the flashfloods and rowed his boat.. I mean drove his car down from Dallas.  The vendors were amazing as well showing off some awesome horror art for us.  There was Hellcat Hardwear, El Sick String, and Joe Casanova all displaying their sick creations.

Did you miss out on this event?  Wanted to make it but just couldn't?  The next event is Sunday November 24th and will be taking place at Infest (5th & Lavaca) in Austin TX.  This event is entitled..  Bloodlust of the Undead and will have a zombie/deadite/undead theme.  Come dressed as a zombie, a deadite, or an undead ghoul to be entered into the costume contest.  Or maybe you want to show off your voracious appetite and enter the jello brain eating contest?  Are you a lady and want to roll around in zombie blood muck?  Maybe you just want to feast your eyes on some sideshow and burlesque put on by Le Strange Sideshow?  We've got you covered..  in blood..  Photos of the devils night show can be found on the wall here:  https://www.facebook.com/events/181603535356145/  and you can hit "going" to the bloodlust of the undead event here:  https://www.facebook.com/events/460412654074653

Jesus says PREORDER NOW!

Issue 8 has just hit the Presale on our page!  www.gorenoirmagazine.bigcartel.com to pick yourself up one!  Either grab it now while it's $10 a piece or wait and pay $13.  It's up to you..  The cover features the amazing artist Godmachine and his bloody amazing depiction of Medusa.  This bitch will turn you to stone if you don't buy a copy.  Fuck.. I went there..  Sorry..  So moving along..  Let's talk about who's in this issue and why you should buy it.

Steve Tefft is a tattoo artist.  He loves all things dark and morbid and inks them on people.  Steve was also crowned "Ink Master" on Spike's reality show of the same name.  Yea that one reality show with that guitarist guy.  You'll see some of Steve's awesome work in issue 8.  There's definitely a strong God/Jesus theme going on with this issue.  I swear it wasn't on purpose but it would have been awesome to have came out around Easter huh?

 Next up is "Fist of Jesus" and head over to our Facebook and look on the wall for the video to watch this awesome short movie about Jesus and zombies..  and there's a lot of fish involved..  Don't worry they're fake..  I'm sure no animals were harmed in the shooting of Fist of Jesus unless a bug or two was accidentally smothered in the INSANE AMOUNT of blood that is spilled.  www.facebook.com/gorenoir  I first found the guys who made FOJ when I happened upon their short Brutal Relax on the Popcorn Horror app.  (if you have an iphone you need to download this app)  They definitely cater to my type of crowd..  The guys who like over the top splatter and just crazy funny horror that doesn't take itself too seriously.  If you take yourself seriously..  STOP!  Just take deep breathes and move on..  It'll be okay we swear..  Okay maybe it won't be okay and we're going to hell in a handbasket but let's at least have some fun before we get there?

 God Module!  Yup more God..   We have an interview with Jasyn from God Module and some awesome photography by Obscuri to go along with said interview..  And we hit you with one of our shitty "Fuck, Marry, Kill"s and you'll have to buy the mag to find out who we threw into the fire pit of FMK this time..  You can learn a lot about a person by thrown a Fuck Marry Kill at them..  Not many people are expecting that out of a prestigious, high society magazine such as ours..  Then it's like..  BAM!  FUCK MARRY KILL!  NOW!  Alright here's one for you if you made it this far into this post..  Cameron Diaz, Mila Kunis, Olga Kurylenko..  Post who you'd fuck, who you'd marry.. and who you'd kill (and how) in the comments section down there vvvvv

El Six String!!  This dude is from Austin and we found his artwork when we were eating some food at a local restaurant.  We actually sat under the piece that you see to the left.  I really want a piece of art by this guy on our wall ASAP!  Anyway..  If you can't tell this guy works in Vinyl..  The shiny, sparkly low rider type of vinyl.  It's all cut out by hand and sew together.  He gives us the exact procedure in the article but.. MAN!  This guy's amazing!!  We have a bunch of other artists and musicians and models.. Such as IDSFA, The Rhythm Coffin (article by VooDoo Rob!), Lost or Forgotten Photography, Digital Pulse, and all kinds other types of stuff in store for you for this issue so grab a preorder and wait patiently!!

www.gorenoirmagazine.bigcartel.com

Horror on TV and why Zombieland TV show is not worth your time..

(This is more of a rant then it is a "review" I don't do "reviews" because people try to sound all educated and interesting and that's just not me.  I'd rather ramble aimlessly and just give you my opinion)

All your favorite characters are back for this TV show version of that awesome zombie comedy Zombieland!  Well they DO have the same names..  A few sound and look similar..  And ehmmm..  That's about it?  You know when you get a recipe and you're like..  Fuck it I'm going to try and make this..  And it comes out BEAUTIFULLY!  Who knows how it happened maybe it was some sort of witchcraft but the mix was perfect!  Then the next time you make it, who knows what happens.. You swear you put in the same ingredients..  It should have been the same right?  But it tastes HORRIBLE!?  Well this Zombieland series is that recipe in visual form.  The characters are just really flat in this, seemingly contrived attempt at milking the name for more money.  You can tell that they were coached to try and look/sound/act like the original characters but it just doesn't feel right.

Zombieland WAS originally supposed to be a TV series and maybe it might have done well if they were able to get the "gang" back, but that would have cost them WAY too much for a series like this.   It ended up (obviously) foregoing the TV for the big screen but going back to its original intended format hasn't done this one justice.  It just really misses the mark especially with it's use of the same characters but with different actors and actresses.  I won't go into detail about any of the actors and actresses but it's really hard to give someone gold and then later you try to spray paint some lead with a gold coating and expect people to just accept it.

It's almost an insult to us that they've put this out.  It would have been better if they had just gone with a new group of characters and just set it in the Zombieland world.  "Zombie kill of the week?"  Tallahassee says as he kills a zombie with a shot over his shoulder with a shotgun.  No..  Not even close!  The only original and funny part is when they actually show the Zombie kill of the week and that's a big 76 ball rolling down a parking ramp and squishing one of the zombies.  It's actually the only interested part of the whole first episode.

The group talks to a lady through their onstar navigation in the truck they are driving (complete with the 3 on the side) which just so happens to still work and the lady just so happens to know about all the survivors out there.  This little tidbit just makes me laugh and not in a good way.  I would go into more detail about this WHOLE part of the show but I won't.  I would like to say I paid attention to the whole thing but I ended up playing Candy Crush Saga about halfway through but I was listening..  And I did kinda give it my blurry eyed peripheral vision.

I wasn't happy with it from the beginning as soon as I knew this was supposed to be the same characters and that whole theme of unhappiness just continued through my experience with the film.  TV has been getting better and better for us horror people.  We've got Hannibal, The Following, (although some would say it's not horror and it's been kinda drawn out here for a bit) Dexter, True Blood, American Horror Story, etc.  I couldn't recommend Hannibal more as it is one of the better horror tv series that is on at the moment.

I will be watching Hemlock Grove here in a bit and I'll add on to this post with my thoughts on the first couple of episodes of that.  For all of you that are like me and we must watch just about every shitty movie or tv series that comes out just to have our own informed opinion on the situation here's the link to watch the first episode of Zombieland on Amazon:

Zombieland TV Series

Issue 6, Jm Grimm, Limited Edition Cover

Jeff Sawyer aka Jm Grimm from The Grimm City Girls will be joining the team and reviewing underground hardcore horror. His statement: "I couldn't be more stoked to announce that I have the great pleasure of having my own Column in the great magazine Gore Noir. I will be reviewing horror movies and not the mainstream ones. I will review the true hardcore shit. So all Independent directors and

writers tell me about and send me your movie. Nothing will shock me well, I guess that is up to you... The more insane , gory and unseen the better. And trust me I will watch every movie I receive. I have the first reviews chosen so get in front for the next.I want to get people published that would never be in a magazine due to content. Lets get nasty"

 

In other Gore Noir news issue 6 is now en route to GN HQ!  These will be shipping next week!  So if you preordered the issue you will be getting it shortly!  If you haven't yet I'd head over to the online shop and pick up your copy before they go up by $3 on Monday!  We will also be releasing a limited edition cover shot by Jm Grimm of Layla Marie at GN HQ (top left image).  The only way to know when these drop is by liking us on Facebook or continuing to keep an eye on the online store.

Zombie Research Society - Issue 5

  Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse?  I'm guessing your McDonalds eating, PBR swilling, reality TV junky ass is far from ready.  I'm just guessin though.. Who knows.. maybe you're the next Jean Claude Van Dam..  You know.. womanizing.. cocaine hoovering.. all around good guy?  More than likely though you are a female because Gore Noir is all about the ladies.  Need proof?  Just check out the photo below of one of our lovely female fans who, because we love our fans, we've turned into a zombie... Well actually Goatboy turned her but still we were the party responsible for sicking Goatboy on her.. and doesn't she look lovely?




So ladies what do you like most about zombies?  Ok ok I'll stop trying to chat you up and get to the meat and potatoes of what we are getting at here with issue 5 of the magazine coming out in May.  Zombie Research Society, Matt Mogk and the guys who brought you the Walking Dead will be heavily involved in putting this issue together and they will be co-curating it.  Expect to see lots of rotting flesh and bloody corpses that walk around the earth searching for human food.  You will feast your eyes on lots of the undead fun bags and we'll even teach you a thing or two about surviving the apocalypse.  Okay I'm done now you can get back to that can of 1893's best brew.

Chad Chase of Venom Ink

 Chad Chase is one of those artists that has mastered his medium and is at a level that just about every tattoo artist wants to reach.  His ability to bring emotion up through the skin with needle and ink is amazing.  He mixes realism with a touch of the surreal with a perfection that not many can attain.  When you hear about people traveling to get tattoos by artists and you wonder "why would anyone do that" well my friends Chad is the reason why.  We all get the itch to get inked every once in awhile but why throw just anything on us when someone like Mr. Chase can turn your skin into a piece of true art?  I'd much rather look down at my body and see awesome ink than I would look down and see some scratchers sloppy lines on me.

Look for more of Chad's and other amazing tattoo artists work in the next Gore Noir magazine!  Issue #2 is available for purchase and features some hot inked ladies as a 11x17 poster!