A HORRORday Shopping Guide

I compiled a list of some of my personal favorite shops and artists to help you shop for your ghoulfriends, or even yourself...I always buy my self a present or two while shopping for others. Some of these shops just happen to be having sales, even better. It's important to support artists, and small businesses, and shop local, and blah blah blah...you all know...you've all heard it...so let's just get to the STUFF! 

Rockin’ Bones Clothing 

Local Austin handmade clothing and accessories. A two man team hand sewing and printing all of their designs with 100% customizable options. OH THE OPTIONS!!! Their size range is vast fitting xxxs to xxxl. You can get custom fabric colors, lengths, and prints in all the colors under the sun. With the wide variety of designs, prints, and custom options its hard to narrow it down...so why not take advantage of their black firday sale and buy two...or thirty! 

Black Friday Sale! 

Enter coupon code “blackfriday” to get 50% off of your order over $40

IMPORTANT: You must create account/login to the site for the coupon to work! Expires 12am cst 12/30.

Deadlines to get it by Christmas

USA Orders- December 11th (Standard shipping)

International Orders-December 1st (Priority) -or- December 9th (Express)

**They are taking LIMITED QUANTITIES of rush orders for both domestic and international customers, so get on it QUICK if you want it sooner. Email request before ordering!**

Secret Oktober

Local alternative clothing shop run by two lovely ladies with new, used, and even some handmade items...they even stock Gore Noir Magazine. They always have a variety of horror movie t-shirts, and cute clothing for those who have a darker sense of fashion. They have all of the accouterments and accessories you need to add to your all black wardrobe, and even a few things for the home. 

Stop by the shop Friday, or Saturday to take advantage of their in store black friday sale, OR if you are not local you can also take advantage of the savings online!

On Friday, they are taking 30% off anything with black on it.

On Saturday, they are taking 20% off anything with black on it. 

voucher code for Friday is BLACK FRIDAY.

voucher code for Saturday is SHOP LOCAL SATURDAY.

Kreepsville 666 “The Original Scare Wear”

Have you been keeping track of all of the awesome things Kreepsville has put out since we featured them last year!? I have, and boy am I excited to talk about them again. They have expanded into leggings and new dress designs, with all kinds of horrific prints to please any horror heads on your list. The sewn flesh, and the eyeball prints have to be my favorites! Just go there and have a peek...things for both boils and ghouls, and even the baby bats! Guess what!? They too are having a black friday sale that lasts from the 29th through the 1st of December. 

Enter code BLACK13 to redeem

Starts 28th November 2013 until Sunday 1st Dec 2013

Hyaena Gallery

Have you ever been to Hyaena Gallery? No? WHY THE HELL NOT!? Hyaena is located in Burbank, CA and is the only (to my knowledge) Gallery of it's kind. Dark and horror art lines ever inch of Hyaena's walls....and where the wall space ends there is even more art. Hyaena is having an interesting sale today....there are 15 pieces of art, and 15 raffle tickets each costing $215.00...they will draw the tickets determining the order of which winners can pick their art. This is an interesting way to get art at a discounted price, without the artists getting the short end of the stick. You can also pick up other regularly priced items in store, or online. Definitely a must visit place if you live in, near, or will be visiting the area. Ask the owner, Bill, to do some magic tricks!

Hell bent Heaven Sent 

Taxidermy artist out of California. Super creepy and weird specimens, obtained without cruelty.

Horror Decor

Handmade pillows, kitchen accessories, and many other home decor elements. Tons of items, tons of designs and prints, great customer service. They will be having a cyber monday sale, so follow them on facebook for all the details....Go check their facebook before 10pm today and look for the detail on a giveaway! 

https://www.facebook.com/horrordecor.net

Lucky Hellcat

LA area artist who creates horror, and kitchy paintings, 3D, and jewelry art. 

30% off with code BLACK30, expires tonight! 

Horror Merch

Horror merch has just about anything and everything horror...from shirts to toys, shot glasses to sneakers you can find it here...and HOT DAMN they are having sales too! 

25% off everything with code BLACKFRIDAY at check out....



Pizza Party Printing

One of many indie printing shops I will list here. Obviously their rad name and logo speak for themselves and had me sold upon hearing it from my buddy Jaysin (of City of Horror) They have an interesting artistic style and have used it to create some really sick t-shirts of some of my favorite horror and scifi films. Please make a logo shirt, thanks. They have a sale going on this weekend, too... 

Enter code: PIZZASALE at checkout and get 25% off of every non-clearance item in your cart! 

Pyramid Gallery

AMAZING intricately designed puzzle boxes, available in static and MUSICAL versions. Just....look at them...



Atomic Cotton

VERY COOL, VERY NICE owners. Another awesome t-shirt bizz. They, like most of the others, create all of the artwork and do all of the printing themselves. I really love Erica's design aesthetic, so simply, yet so eye catching, and always unique. Check out Erica's interview in our 9th issue. They also have an etsy page with other handmade goodies. 

https://www.etsy.com/shop/AtomicCotton

City Of Horror

Unique horror inspired clothing. Highly recommend! Great customer service, and shirts come in a little coffin box with some extras, so just tie a ribbon around it and it looks great under the tree....or you can VERY CAREFULLY wrap one...I did it. It looks killer, but it wasn't easy. I adore Jaysin and is INTERESTING sense of humor, do yourself a favor and check out his interview in issue #9. Two hoots and a holler? Psssh....not even close.

Enter code "allblack" to get 25% off your entire order Friday only!

VidVad Scare

Texas based horror and comic artist. Get signed and numbered prints shellacked onto a wooden plaque, original art, and even t-shirts! 



Rotten Cotton

For any friends reading this, THIS is where I got my HP Lovecraft shirt (which now also comes in full color) They're based in Texas, and our friend and first gore noir girl, Marcy Horror, has modeled for them. VAST selection, and they even have "ladies sizes". Woohoo.

Hell Couture

One of my putrid picks...I'm a HUGE fan of this designer. Her clothes are impeccably made, and make me feel so hot when I wear them. She creates beautiful garments our of band, and horror film t-shirts, but has started creating new designs without the use of t-shirts. She seems to always be evolving and coming up with something new. A LITTLE on the pricey side, but the quality and customer service is well worth the price. She is on Etsy, but also check out her new website 

http://www.aulendil.com/

Spooky Crafts by Miss Wendy 13!

Handcrafted jewelry, hair accessories, hand painted boxes and plaques all with a cute yet creepy vibe. I love this lady and I love her work! She was featured in issue #3 (no longer in print) 

Malediction

Another putrid pick...3D, Multimedia sculptures and paintings. 

The official Vampira store.

Pick up some rare prints of Maila's own artwork, or photos of her beautiful face. Every now and them they have some other items up for sale.

The Art of Christoper Ott, London 1888

T-shirts and prints of horror inspired art. His work is on the cover of our 10th issue, pre-order up nowcoming

Contrived to Charm

Luxurious hand tooled leather goods. Not exactly horror, but I had to include this shop on the list. If you want to get someone something REALLY NICE that is going to last, try getting them a batwing belt, or boot straps instead of a tired old piece of jewelry from Kay. Obviously not for any vegans or folks opposed to wearing leather on your list...

Parlor Tattoo Prints

You've probably seen one, or a collection of these around the internet. Well now you can buy them from the artist herself! These paintings are so rad...Tattoo flash style, but with all of your favorite horror icons (Classic, and modern classics alike) 

https://gorenoirmagazine.bigcartel.com/

Well of course we have to plug our own stuff! We have art prints, candles, stickers, buttons, t-shirts, and of course magazines....get your orders in by December 14th if you want to try and get them in time for Christmas! 

I may add a few more things to the list within the week, so come back and see between now and next friday. Happy Holidays, whatever you worship or celebrate is cool with us....just don't get preachy!

Barbie Wilde & Women in Horror Charity Calendar

Barbie Wilde appearing as December in the Calendar

 With our 10th issue coming out shortly we've completed an interview with Barbie Wilde who you all may recognize as the female cenobite from Hellraiser II.  On top of her roles in films and her books that have been published, Barbie is involved with a Horror genre calendar that will donate all of it's profits to charity.  As we are a sucker for charity and all things horror we thought we'd give you guys a heads up and pass on the press release.  READ ON!

Cover for the Women in Horror Calendar and February 2014: Pollyanna
McIntosh, actress (Sex and Death 101, The Woman, Filth, Love Eternal, White
Settlers, Let us Prey) (Photo by Tina Korhonen)

"Horror is a genre that encompasses all the arts ­ film, music, literature, sculpture, painting, fashion ­ and this year a special calendar is celebrating the contribution of 12 women to the horror scene in the UK, with all profits going to charity.

The calendar is put together by filmmaker Melanie Light, based in London. From an early age Melanie was drawn to a strange interest in odd things, having collected road kill with her siblings, to drawing deformed demon women for her GCSE art projects. At Art School in Brighton her work was influence by her keen interest in serial killers and the dark arts. Melanie has been production designing and art directing various horror films, music promos and short films since 2006. In 2010 she decided to take on the challenge of directing her own short horror film Switch, which screened at Film4 Frightfest, the BEV festival's special on 'Bloody Women' at the ICA, and won best short film at the Queen of Horror festival in 2012. Melanie is the drive behind the Women in Horror Calendar. I decided that I needed to give something back. The calendar idea is to showcase creative women of various roles, all with a macabre feel. A friend asked me, Œwhy a calendar and not a book? Well, I like to be organized! It's not a 'pin up' calendar, but a showcase of talent ­ in front of and behind the camera.

The profit made from selling the calendar will be split between two charities. Rape Crisis England and Wales provides support for women and girls who have been raped, as well as tackling the trafficking of women. The Sophie Lancaster Foundation has particular resonance with Melanie, having been bullied herself at school for being 'goth'. Following the horrific murder of Sophie Lancaster in 2007, her family wanted to ensure a lasting legacy, and so the Foundation was established. Its motto, Stamp Out Prejudice, Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere, reflects the charity's aim to challenge the prejudice and intolerance towards people from alternative subcultures both culturally and in legislation.

The scope of the calendar means a really broad variety of talents are celebrated. Some of the women featured include, amongst others, presenter Emily Booth (Horror Bits on the Horror Channel), actress Pollyanna McIntosh, author (and Hellraiser Female Cenobite) Barbie Wilde, taxidermy artist Tessa Farmer, and, of course, Melanie herself. With photography by Tina Korhonen whom is known for her work in magazines such as 'Metal Hammer' and 'Total Tattoo'. The shoot was held at The Murder Mile studio in Clapton, East
London. The perfect location for a 'Horror' photography shoot."

The calendar is available to pre-order now from
http://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/158679453/calendar-for-2014-women-in-horror-bios?ref=shop_home_active

Face book page - https://www.facebook.com/WomenInHorrorCalendarUK

August: Grog, singer & bassist for Die So Fluid and clothing & jewelry
designer (Photo by Tina Korhonen)

BLOODLUST

Our 2nd Bloodlust event entitled Devil's Night went off without a hitch!  Well except one thing..  FLASHFLOODS!  Despite the flashflood warnings all of the devilish folks came out and drank till they couldn't drink anymore and watched as Drew Blood and the Pickled Punks skewered themselves and walked up and down blades..  They took in the sites that Rockin Bones Clothing put on stage for us..  Which was amazingly hot ladies showing off their new clothing designs for our eyes only.  They also watched Gaige (the hostess for the night) eat fire and saw the lovely ladies wrestle in our own concoction of blood.  We even had a few folks taste the blood..  AFTER the wrestling.  How'd it taste?

This of course was all set to the soundtrack of the night being played by DJ Obscuri, who braved the flashfloods and rowed his boat.. I mean drove his car down from Dallas.  The vendors were amazing as well showing off some awesome horror art for us.  There was Hellcat Hardwear, El Sick String, and Joe Casanova all displaying their sick creations.

Did you miss out on this event?  Wanted to make it but just couldn't?  The next event is Sunday November 24th and will be taking place at Infest (5th & Lavaca) in Austin TX.  This event is entitled..  Bloodlust of the Undead and will have a zombie/deadite/undead theme.  Come dressed as a zombie, a deadite, or an undead ghoul to be entered into the costume contest.  Or maybe you want to show off your voracious appetite and enter the jello brain eating contest?  Are you a lady and want to roll around in zombie blood muck?  Maybe you just want to feast your eyes on some sideshow and burlesque put on by Le Strange Sideshow?  We've got you covered..  in blood..  Photos of the devils night show can be found on the wall here:  https://www.facebook.com/events/181603535356145/  and you can hit "going" to the bloodlust of the undead event here:  https://www.facebook.com/events/460412654074653

Sick & Depraved Issue: Digital

Your chance to grab a paper copy of the first ever Sick & Depraved issue has come and gone..  But you can still grab this lovely magazine DIGITALLY!  Our next escapade into the Sick & Depraved world we will be printing a LOT more of the paper copies as this one did really well.

Click on the link here to get your digital copy!  (note:  this is a PDF file which SHOULD be readable on almost any device)

  DIGITAL DIGITAL DIGITAL DIGITAL DIGITAL DIGITAL

Need more beautiful horror art in your life? There's an app for that!!

You can now download the Gore Noir Magazine App for viewing our lovely magazines onto your iOS device!  Search us out in the newsstand or in iTunes or you can just click this here link if you're on your iOS device right now:  https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/gore-noir-magazine/id684662818?mt=8

The App is FREE to download and each download will help us get some attention in the whole iOS realm, so even if you don't intend to buy any mags just download and enjoy the little previews!  You'll also get to see our little mag icon in your Newsstand on your device which will instantly make your iPad, iPhone, or iPod Touch that much cooler.

"But.." you say...  "I have an Android device!  Where's my damn App!?!"  Well don't you fear!  We're working on bringing a magazine viewing App to your Android devices as well!  We'll let you know on our Facebook exactly when that happens to like the page and keep up to date!

Horror Culture Challenge (Facebook/Instagram)

Grab this and post it to your Facebook/Instagram!

September 1st we start our Horror Culture Challenge on Facebook and Instagram!  We'll be posting photos for our Favorite Horror Artist, Favorite FX Artist, Best Horror Photo, etc.  Each number marks a new day in the challenge all the way up to the 30th day.  You can play along and grab the image here in this blog and post it to Facebook or Instagram.. Or both!  You then post a photo each day based on the categories given.  Tag each of your posts with #horrorculturechallenge & #gorenoirmag and complete the challenge for your chance to win some prizes!  Not everyone will win but if you're one of only 5 that makes it through your chances are high!!  You can also start the challenge late we won't dock you for that.  We'll pick our winners on October 15th so you have some time!  Ready to play?  If you also tag @gorenoirmag and follow us we'll like your photo and throw a comment your way.

American Mary

Mary Morgan is not afraid of getting dirty

Even though we're working on 3 magazines at once we still have to take time our of our schedule and unwind.  How do we unwind?  Watching movies of course.  Mostly horror films of course and every once in awhile we are treated with something that was actually worth our time to watch.  Most of the time though we are forced to sit through the same old song and dance and it's like pulling teeth.. but every once in a damn while we find something worth getting behind!

Enter American Mary which is twin directors Jen and Sylvia Soska's second film. (If I'm not mistaken Dead Hooker in a Trunk was the first don't quote me on that though)  The nice thing about the film is it's fresh take on the genre.  Although it's not ground breaking it's got that kind of appeal that you can't bottle or really put your finger on exactly.  We follow Mary as she hacks and slashes through her problems and even though we shouldn't, the Soska's make us sympathize with her.

If I had to describe it as a "If (insert movie name here) and (insert movie name here) had a baby" I'd say it would be a crazy three way baby made from the mixed juices of "I Spit on Your Grave", Dexter, (funny that her last name is Morgan) and "Hostel".  The movie and the Twisted Twins had been generating some buzz throughout the horror crowd so although I usually don't follow the horror herd I swallowed my stubborn-ness and dove into the movie.

Mary is definitely a character that makes you love her, and we were hooked.  She's definitely got what it takes to lure in even the most rigid of horror fans.  You probably will see some horror hipsters out there hating on the movie but truthfully these people probably hate on 98% of everything new that comes out and the only things that will make their horror nerd pecker stand at attention is watching Evil Dead for the billionth time.  If you'd like to give the movie a watch I've linked to a VOD player for you to sit back and enjoy.  Yes you have to pay but part of the proceeds go straight into the Gore Noir coffers and that money is used for hookers and crack so you know your money is going to a good cause.  NOW WATCH!

Yekra Player

Yekra is a revolutionary new distribution network for feature films.

American Mary

Disillusioned with her chosen profession and perpetually broke, medical student Mary Mason finds herself drawn into a shady world of underground surgery and body modification.

Jesus says PREORDER NOW!

Issue 8 has just hit the Presale on our page!  www.gorenoirmagazine.bigcartel.com to pick yourself up one!  Either grab it now while it's $10 a piece or wait and pay $13.  It's up to you..  The cover features the amazing artist Godmachine and his bloody amazing depiction of Medusa.  This bitch will turn you to stone if you don't buy a copy.  Fuck.. I went there..  Sorry..  So moving along..  Let's talk about who's in this issue and why you should buy it.

Steve Tefft is a tattoo artist.  He loves all things dark and morbid and inks them on people.  Steve was also crowned "Ink Master" on Spike's reality show of the same name.  Yea that one reality show with that guitarist guy.  You'll see some of Steve's awesome work in issue 8.  There's definitely a strong God/Jesus theme going on with this issue.  I swear it wasn't on purpose but it would have been awesome to have came out around Easter huh?

 Next up is "Fist of Jesus" and head over to our Facebook and look on the wall for the video to watch this awesome short movie about Jesus and zombies..  and there's a lot of fish involved..  Don't worry they're fake..  I'm sure no animals were harmed in the shooting of Fist of Jesus unless a bug or two was accidentally smothered in the INSANE AMOUNT of blood that is spilled.  www.facebook.com/gorenoir  I first found the guys who made FOJ when I happened upon their short Brutal Relax on the Popcorn Horror app.  (if you have an iphone you need to download this app)  They definitely cater to my type of crowd..  The guys who like over the top splatter and just crazy funny horror that doesn't take itself too seriously.  If you take yourself seriously..  STOP!  Just take deep breathes and move on..  It'll be okay we swear..  Okay maybe it won't be okay and we're going to hell in a handbasket but let's at least have some fun before we get there?

 God Module!  Yup more God..   We have an interview with Jasyn from God Module and some awesome photography by Obscuri to go along with said interview..  And we hit you with one of our shitty "Fuck, Marry, Kill"s and you'll have to buy the mag to find out who we threw into the fire pit of FMK this time..  You can learn a lot about a person by thrown a Fuck Marry Kill at them..  Not many people are expecting that out of a prestigious, high society magazine such as ours..  Then it's like..  BAM!  FUCK MARRY KILL!  NOW!  Alright here's one for you if you made it this far into this post..  Cameron Diaz, Mila Kunis, Olga Kurylenko..  Post who you'd fuck, who you'd marry.. and who you'd kill (and how) in the comments section down there vvvvv

El Six String!!  This dude is from Austin and we found his artwork when we were eating some food at a local restaurant.  We actually sat under the piece that you see to the left.  I really want a piece of art by this guy on our wall ASAP!  Anyway..  If you can't tell this guy works in Vinyl..  The shiny, sparkly low rider type of vinyl.  It's all cut out by hand and sew together.  He gives us the exact procedure in the article but.. MAN!  This guy's amazing!!  We have a bunch of other artists and musicians and models.. Such as IDSFA, The Rhythm Coffin (article by VooDoo Rob!), Lost or Forgotten Photography, Digital Pulse, and all kinds other types of stuff in store for you for this issue so grab a preorder and wait patiently!!

www.gorenoirmagazine.bigcartel.com

Bloody Boobs, Things, and Stuff

Now that I've got your attention I'm just going to show you a bunch of pictures and say some random shit about them.  Well shit..  That's pretty much what blogging is anyway right?  Half the time they aren't even telling you anything interesting anyway.  You've probably even stopped reading by now and have gone all A.D.D. on me and are just looking at the lovely ladies and the shitty art.  It's okay that's probably what I would have done as well.

Top left you'll see my photoshopping skills in action as I've compiled all 4 of the covers of the next 3 magazines..  3 magazines and 4 covers?  What the fuck?  Well the sick and depraved issue will have 2 covers (first 2) and then the 3rd one over is the 8th issue...  Everyone stare at the loveliness of the Godmachine cover..  Okay now the next one there is Black and White.  No your screen is fine it's actually black and white and will be in a "zine" format.  That means we'll be cutting and pasting to our hearts delight and giving you that freshly pasted feel to it.

Now to the left you'll see my ahmazin' artin skills at work.  This is the beginnings of a "metal" logo that I'm working on and will be featured on an alternative cover of the magazine..  Which issue you ask?  Fuck if I know..  Will there be shirts you ask?  Of fucking course!  Lots of lime green and white will be featured in the logo and subsequent art that will come with it.  The art I'm going to pass off to a better artist but I'm loving working on the logo itself.  *burp*  Well maybe we'll do a red version as well.  Make it look all bloody and shit..  Cause really you guys come here for the blood and boobs and not much else right?  Right?  Well shit..  That's fine..

So last but not least we had our Blood Lust event not too long ago and I'd like to thank Gaige and Suzi Rubbish for helping put this together!  I'd also like to thank Marcy Horror for coming out and blood wrestling for us!  She's going to be our first ever Gore Noir Girl and will be featured in issue 8.  There were so many awesome blood wrestlers that I would run out of space here in my ramblings to thank them all but you can see and "get to know" them in our upcoming Blood Lust DVD which will be out in about 3 months time.  Might take longer so don't quote me on that because we won't rush something just to put it out there.  We want it to be it's bloody best!  Below is an image of Marcy Horror and Crakka Jappa getting down in our pool of blood that ended up hemorrhaging blood..  The ladies were getting down like that!  Thanks SAcounterculture.com for coming and interviewing us and shooting photos!

Hellraiser: Revelations

When it comes to horror, Hellraiser is definitely one of my top 3 movies.  Pinhead being one of my favorite all time movie monsters as well you could say that Doug Bradley is definitely up there as far as iconic actors in the genre go.  So why would I watch a Hellraiser movie that chose to forgo Mr. Bradley as his alter ego Pinhead?  Well I choose to watch certain movies just for the purpose of having the information needed to form an educated opinion.  I could blindly hate Hellraiser: Revelations and leave it at that.  I could be a purist and write the whole movie off because it had nothing to do with Clive Barker or Doug Bradley, or I could watch the movie and now be able to form an educated opinion.

I chose to watch the film. (I've been sick and with the amount of horror that I haven't watched on Netflix dwindling why not?)  I may catch some flack from the purists and that's perfectly fine.  I sure can't be loved by everyone so why not be hated by most?  So let's dive into this film.

Let's live in a fantasy world for a minute.  Let's imagine that instead of the Pinhead you see at the top left, you actually see Doug Bradley.  Yes he jumped on board with this film and now you're in the theatre seat ready to watch the next installment in Hellraiser.  With that in mind and all your predisposed anger at his replacement gone, let's figure out this film.  While there are lot's of problems with the film I think it actually came closer to the formula of the originals than most of the 8 some odd sequels did.  My main gripe with this film (remember we are imagining Doug Bradley is playing Pinhead lol) is the feeling that we get when we see the Cenobites.  The world they are living in just doesn't feel dirty and evil enough.  I really thought they were in this families basement for awhile.  Actually I'm not quite sure that they weren't even after seeing the whole film.

The acting wasn't all that bad when you're considering how rushed I'm sure this film was.  I've heard this film was just thrown together so that they could keep the rights to the name if I'm not mistaken.  We get a couple skinless folks thrown in which were done pretty well..  Not completely skinless of course because that would be expensive but you get the point.  I would have liked a bit more over the top bloody scenes but I'm hard to please in that area so we won't fault them for lack of gore.

With all that I can safely say that I enjoyed the film a lot more than 70% of the Hellraiser movies.  It just felt like it belonged in the same world as the first couple films, and it didn't drop us into a video game or a gothic mansion party, so that's refreshing.  With sequels and remakes being a really touchy thing recently I really think that people should probably pump the brakes and take a step back and see these things with new eyes.  Maybe without those anger shaded glasses we all have on we might be able to enjoy a couple movies for what they are instead of expecting them to live up to our sense of nostalgia that we have for older films.

You can send all hate mail to:  info@gorenoir.com  just expect a reply to all the hate mail and also expect it to be posted to our facebook and possibly our blog. 

Horror on TV and why Zombieland TV show is not worth your time..

(This is more of a rant then it is a "review" I don't do "reviews" because people try to sound all educated and interesting and that's just not me.  I'd rather ramble aimlessly and just give you my opinion)

All your favorite characters are back for this TV show version of that awesome zombie comedy Zombieland!  Well they DO have the same names..  A few sound and look similar..  And ehmmm..  That's about it?  You know when you get a recipe and you're like..  Fuck it I'm going to try and make this..  And it comes out BEAUTIFULLY!  Who knows how it happened maybe it was some sort of witchcraft but the mix was perfect!  Then the next time you make it, who knows what happens.. You swear you put in the same ingredients..  It should have been the same right?  But it tastes HORRIBLE!?  Well this Zombieland series is that recipe in visual form.  The characters are just really flat in this, seemingly contrived attempt at milking the name for more money.  You can tell that they were coached to try and look/sound/act like the original characters but it just doesn't feel right.

Zombieland WAS originally supposed to be a TV series and maybe it might have done well if they were able to get the "gang" back, but that would have cost them WAY too much for a series like this.   It ended up (obviously) foregoing the TV for the big screen but going back to its original intended format hasn't done this one justice.  It just really misses the mark especially with it's use of the same characters but with different actors and actresses.  I won't go into detail about any of the actors and actresses but it's really hard to give someone gold and then later you try to spray paint some lead with a gold coating and expect people to just accept it.

It's almost an insult to us that they've put this out.  It would have been better if they had just gone with a new group of characters and just set it in the Zombieland world.  "Zombie kill of the week?"  Tallahassee says as he kills a zombie with a shot over his shoulder with a shotgun.  No..  Not even close!  The only original and funny part is when they actually show the Zombie kill of the week and that's a big 76 ball rolling down a parking ramp and squishing one of the zombies.  It's actually the only interested part of the whole first episode.

The group talks to a lady through their onstar navigation in the truck they are driving (complete with the 3 on the side) which just so happens to still work and the lady just so happens to know about all the survivors out there.  This little tidbit just makes me laugh and not in a good way.  I would go into more detail about this WHOLE part of the show but I won't.  I would like to say I paid attention to the whole thing but I ended up playing Candy Crush Saga about halfway through but I was listening..  And I did kinda give it my blurry eyed peripheral vision.

I wasn't happy with it from the beginning as soon as I knew this was supposed to be the same characters and that whole theme of unhappiness just continued through my experience with the film.  TV has been getting better and better for us horror people.  We've got Hannibal, The Following, (although some would say it's not horror and it's been kinda drawn out here for a bit) Dexter, True Blood, American Horror Story, etc.  I couldn't recommend Hannibal more as it is one of the better horror tv series that is on at the moment.

I will be watching Hemlock Grove here in a bit and I'll add on to this post with my thoughts on the first couple of episodes of that.  For all of you that are like me and we must watch just about every shitty movie or tv series that comes out just to have our own informed opinion on the situation here's the link to watch the first episode of Zombieland on Amazon:

Zombieland TV Series

Blood Lust and Texas Frightmare

With both Texas Frightmare and our Blood Lust San Antonio event coming up things are a bit stressful here at Gore Noir HQ.  Pile on top of that our move to a new spot and I'm pretty lucky to have any hair on my head right now.  We won't start talking about the greys that are coming in..

First let's talk about Blood Lust.  I just finished a mock up of the DVD case which will probably change a bit but we'll be bringing this bad boy wrapped around a dummy DVD box so people can get a feel for the packaging and purchase a presale if they'd like.  Presales will start at Texas Frightmare and will continue until a month before the DVD release.

The DVD won't be out until probably September or October so we have a ways out as we'll be putting some nice production value into the editing and whatnot.  Expect lots of bloody goodness in this sweet DVD!

Our table at Texas Frightmare will be in the same room as the folks from Walking Dead so when you go check out Norman Reedus (who will hopefully come by our booth) make sure you remember to come by our table and say hi, grab some stickers, and some magazines!  We'll be giving away free posters with all magazine purchases.

Sick & Depraved Unrated Issue

Anathema Photography

If you have liked our Facebook you've probably already seen the front cover of our Sick & Depraved Unrated Issue.  Well here's the equally as awesome back cover!  Back cover photo is by Anathema Photography who will be featured in the issue with all of her awesome photography uncensored for all of our sick fans!

The level of blood and guts for this issue is going to be extremely high.  There will also be all sorts of ladies naughty bits everywhere.  This issue will be 18+ and is not for the squeamish!  We are looking to pervert the hell out of horror with this one.  This issue will go on presale in April and will more than likely sell out just like all of our other issues.

Instagramma Jamma @gorenoirmag

I was trying to come up with a catchy title for awhile.. Gorestagram?  Instagore?  Na those sounds silly.. So I said fuck it and went really silly.. Anyway you name it the message is the same..  We are on Instagram!  Have been for awhile now.. You just haven't been following.. We'll deal with your lack of followingnessdom later.  For now you can make up for it by.. wait for it.. FOLLOWING!  You'll get lots of gems from our daily lives.. Lot's of pictures of our cats.. Of bloody chicks.. of my mexican food and some other things that you can't find on Facebook.  Have I sold you on it yet?  How about Follow or I'll hunt you down like Jason Vorhees?  SOLD!  @gorenoirmag

Blood Lust Sponsorship Packages

Hostess: Gaige Photo: Obscuri

Gore Noir Magazine Presents: Blood Lust San Antonio is coming up!  Blood, Burlesque, and Brutal bands all filmed for a Bloody DVD!  We will have 4+ video cameras roaming the event capturing all the blood wrestling, horror burlesque, lovely ladies and all the bloody goings on.

Blood Wrestling Sponsored by Kreepsville 666

Red Handed Spanking Booth

Vending by Crypt Keeper Creations, Sinister Sweets

Friday May 10th at Fitzgeralds in San Antonio!

Did you want to be a part of this DVD and event?  You don't have to be from San Antonio to be involved!  Let us help your company by getting your name out there to the 5,000+ people invited to the event and our 11,000+ fan base!  Here are the packages:

• $125 - SHIRT SPONSORSHIP:  You will get a copy of the DVD, a Blood Lust shirt, your name in the ending DVD credits, and your company name on the back of the Blood Lust Shirt!

 ONLY 13 OF THIS PACKAGE AVAILABLE

• $175 - PROMO SPONSORSHIP:  You will get all of the shirt sponsorship perks and you will also get your logo on Fliers, Posters, & Sponsor screen at the beginning of the DVD.

 ONLY 10 OF THIS PACKAGE AVAILABLE

• $300 - BLOOD WRESTLING SPONSORSHIP:  You will get all of the Shirt & Promo sponsorship perks as well as your logo/name emblazed in vinyl on the blood wrestling pool for all attendees and DVD viewers to see.  You will also have your logo on the back of the DVD as a sponsor. 

ONLY 5 OF THIS PACKAGE AVAILABLE

• $500 - VIP DVD INSERT SPONSORSHIP:  You will get ALL of the above perks and your advertising on the front of back of the DVD flier insert.  This would be awesome for your movie, your clothing line, your tattoo shop, etc.  Every customer who opens their DVD will see your ad inside.  You can also double this sponsorship if you want front and back for just $750.  Great way to show the fans all your clothing line styles or all the DVD's you sell through your company etc.

 ONLY 2 OF THIS PACKAGE AVAILABLE

Contact us at:  info@gorenoir.com for more details!

Ghouls Night Out: Official B&W Zine Issue Sponsor!

Ghouls Night Out Fest 2013

When I first imagined the B&W issue I was going for high quality paper and artists just like our regular magazine but in a B&W format.  Recently I realized the error in my ways.  Why just be a little different when you could go back to the roots?  Zines are an awesome way for people to get all their art and writing and whatever creative imaginings out in the public.  I've also always been attracted to heavily xeroxed images.  The grain to me is a thing of beauty.  So it was decided then.  The B&W issue was going to be a Zine version of the same old Gore Noir Magazine you've come to hate.

Now what were we going to cover?  Well.. Bands and Zines go together like PB&J right?  I've always wanted to cover more bands but just never had the space.  The regular GN mag leans more towards Art and Photography so this would be the perfect format to give all these awesome bands that have been hitting us up a chance to get printed.  So we're DIY'ing this sonovabitch and cut and pasting it all together.  We've already got the cover.  The bands have been pouring in.  What's next?  I'm missing something here aren't I?

Suzi Rubbish by Obscuri

Oh yea fucking advertising!  Well I wanted to go 32 pages with this issue.  Keep costs down and we won't be too high on glue sticks after we're done.  I also don't want to cut any of these bands or artists out.. What do I do?  Fuck it we'll just go with one sponsor/advertiser on the back page and give the people what they want..  Lots and lots of content with pretty much no ads.  AND that my friends is where we are at!  This is where Matt from Ghouls Night Out steps in and snags up the opportunity right off the bat.  We now have an awesome sponsor in Ghouls Night Out Fest!  It's perfect... These guys bring you the best in horror music every year in their festival.. And we were going to be bringing you the best in horror music in a Zine.  Perfect fit!

Expect TONS of horror bands to browse through.  Some really cool B&W art, and that sweet cut and paste quality.  This issue doesn't have a due date as of yet but when I'm 80% done I'll start doing presales and I'll post to the Facebook page